ENGLISH CLUB CLOSED !!!!!!! ENGLISH CLUB CLOSED !!!!!!!Summer is here again and, knowing that many of you would prefer to sit outside, we have decided to close the Club on the following six Fridays (9th, 16th, 23rd, 30th July, 6th and 13th August) and relocate to the Zebra Restaurant beer garden (on Fabrikstrasse, across the road from the number 12 bus end-station near Big Ben pub).
(Sat July 24th)Whether or not this takes place depends on the weather, the river and the number of people suicidal enough to attend. Full details will be available closer to the above date from Shawn Watson (Tel 031 – 964 – 0431) E-Mail sw@adasoft.ch
Make a note in your calendars now. Put your hankies on your head, roll up your trousers, slap on the factor 30, bring your bucket and spade and come down to the bunker beach (possibly with real sand and a swimming pool). Please note :- Uncool people with sunglasses on their heads will be drowned.
Be kind to teachers – Those who don’t deserve your respect may at least deserve your pity.
Aussie/Kiwi Happy Hour(Fris
2nd July & 5th Aug)Why do smokers always pollute my air? If I want to go out I must always passive smoke – when I complain, smokers say if I don’t like it then I shouldn’t go out (or go to America).
Well, I’ve had enough. Once every two months, when I am on bar, I will have a non-smokers night and if the smokers don’t like it they can go somewhere else !!!!! All smokers who light up will have their dirty cigarettes, cigars, etc dunked in water or they will be shot by non-smokers (alas only by water pistols unless we get very annoyed by the chimneys).
The next meeting is on 12th Aug from 19:30. All members who mentioned that they would like to get involved in organising activities are also welcome to attend (including the person who suggested a curry evening – if you help organise it & serve the curries then we’ll do it).
Advertising by means of flyers, notices in the newsletter, etc costs 100 CHF per time (members are entitled to one free advert per year). All adverts must be sent to Mike two months before production of the newsletter on a first come basis (we cannot send out too many flyers at once due to cost)
Do you know of any companies which would like to join our club (and possibly set up their own club nights) ? If so, then cost of membership is 500CHF per year (this is tax deductible).
Bar RosterHow much of the intolerable should I tolerate simply in order to be polite ? (Pot Shots 2205)
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless. (P.S. 875)
I have only received 15% of forms (53%male, 47%female) which leads me to conclude that communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with the living. (Pot Shots No 1213). This means that 85% of members are dead, have moved away, are happy with the club or , by remaining silent, are signifying the belief that they are too powerless to influence events anyway. Well, you have had your chance to change things.
Here are the results (I was going to do some pretty graphs but I couldn’t be bothered !) :-
Hence the non-smoking night.
Smokers Yes 20% No 80% Majority are Swiss despite the fact that many Swiss ask if they are allowed to join our club.
Nationality Swiss 67% UK 33% US 0%
Yes 53% No 47%
We could consider sending the newsletter to some members by E-Mail to cut down on admin, photocopying and postage.We are always looking for new committee members with fresh ideas, organizational ability and a lot of energy and patience.
Members Yes 87% No 13% Committee Yes 33% Members No 67%
Advertising Enough 13% Too
little87% We need to attract more people.
Age 21-30 13% 31-40 40% 41-50 27% 51-60 20%
Status : Single 60% : Engaged 13% : Partner 7%: Married 13%: Separated 7%
Perhaps we can set up a dateline service for the single members.
Help with ads : Yes 40%: No 60%
Change Nights : No 100%
Extra Nights : Yes 20%: No 80%
Party Info : OK 60%: Bad 40%
Closed Party : Yes 87%: No 13%
Non-Smoking : Yes 73%
Evening : No 27%
Facilities (Highest Scores)
Drink Good : 47%
Food Good : 53%
Library Good : 67%
Pool Good : 60%
Location OK : 33%
Overall Good : 52%
Extras :
Parties Yes : 53%No : 47%
Club Comp Yes : 40%No : 60%
Other Comp Yes : 47%No : 53%
Days Out Yes : 53%No : 47%
Support Clubs Yes : 73%No : 27%
W/ends away Yes : 33%No : 67%
Hols Yes : 27%No : 73%
Other Usage Yes : 80%No : 20%
Help Org Yes : 67%No : 33%
Enough Activs Yes : 27%No : 73%
The committee will discuss these results at the next meeting and our plans for the future will be included in the next newsletter.
Toga Party – The organisers were stabbed in the back. Only a few members attended plus a few non-members Apart from the lack of numbers (about 15 people), we had a good time. Good food & decor.
Coffee Party – a gallon of whiskey and coffee drunk, over 40 people attending. Quite a good night and an excellent effort by Don, the coffee maker & trainee barman.
Bad Taste – used condoms, soiled sanitary towels and rude food were some of the sights greeting the bad revellers. A good time had by all .
Why are most of the Bernese underground bars successful but not ours ? What are we doing wrong? We need to improve our image to compete. We need a gimmick. One idea is to give the bar a real pub name. Suggestions so far include :-
Do you agree with any of the above or do you have your own ideas ? If so, let us know. The best idea will win a prize.
Out of the hot, black ashes of the nuked bunker something is stirring, a few white lumps of hope can be seen which may serve to sweeten the sour lemons who have poured scorn on the club, milking it so much that no more refreshment can be had. The cup has finally cracked and some of the stagnated water is running out and a fresh pot is being brewed. Am I mad ? Yes, as mad as a hatter. I’m late, I’m late, I know but something is being done. I’ve been stewing long enough. It’s T.E.A. time folks. When and where – see next issue (maybe – if arranged).
Laupenstrasse 17, 3008 Bern Tel # 381-63-64 Editor : Mike Goodwin E-Mail : MikeGoodwinCH@hotmail.com