Have you got what it takes to run a club ? Do you think you can do better than the current committee ? Then come to the AGM and try your luck (or just come for your free drink). The meeting starts at 9pm. Among items to be discussed will be the name for the bar and possible club night on Saturday instead of / as well as Thursday.

Eddie, Margrit and Noémi would like to invite you to their joint 50th and 25^th Birthday Party at the club. Described as a cross between a Darby & Joan night and a Techno Rave, this party is open to all ages. More info from Eddie Junker.

Do you have any old xmas decorations ? Are you a dab hand at interior design ? Have you got a spare tree ? If so, then come on down to the Warm Up Christmas Party and Decoration Party hosted by Keith.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Hic, Hic, Burp. Come on down to Santa’s Grotto, listen / dance to Red Rudolf and the Reindeer Band, munch on some mince pies, pull a cracker, put on a silly hat, tell some old jokes, kiss under the mistletoe, stuff your face and drink as much Christmas cheer

as possible. Yes folks, it’s Christmas Party time again (or, if we can’t persuade Scrooge and others to help with the decorations, the Bah Humbug Party). It will be hosted by Mike (who was the best Xmas present ever – born on 25^th Dec 1965) . Lets make this the best party of this century.

If you are still standing and want to keep on partying then come along to Mr Pickwick’s Pub and listen /boogie on down to Tony Coates’ Hurricane Moon. Tis the season of goodwill and all that and now that that Irish chappie has been deported, we and Mr P’s can do some mutual back-scratching by advertising for each other.

If there is enough demand and willing bar staff, then the club will open on these dates. If you want to come to the club on these dates for private parties or whatever, then please let us know as soon as possible. If the person you try to contact via E-Mail, phone, etc doesn’t answer then they may be on holiday so try someone else.

Will the world cease to exist at the end of the year ? Why take any chances ? Why not be safe in the nuclear bunker at the Club’s Armageddon Party – the party to end all others, possibly.

7th Dec (Tuesday), 9th Dec, 10^th Dec and 11 Dec (two shows) Tickets are (at this point) 10 CHF for children (under 12) 20 CHF for adults.

The show times need to be worked out but will probably be 7:30 for evening performances and 1:00 and 5:00.

More info from John Patient (john.patient@ubs.com) Tickets are available from Andrea Patient (Andrea.Patient-Lehmann@roche.com).

Wondering what to buy your loved ones this year ? Then wonder no more. Give them a subscription for Swiss News – an excellent English magazine covering Swiss business and lifestyle. Watch out for an editorial feature on our club in Swiss News next year.

Fri 5^th Nov and Fri 3^rd Dec

1^st : Roger (Visitor)

2^nd : Eddie Junker (Member)

3^rd : Pierre (Visitor)

This was a hard fought match between 12 players on a knock out basis (ie play one game and if you lose you are out). There were 6 Members (Brian H, Mike G, Keith S, Mark P, Jamie W and Eddie J) and 6 Visitors (Roger, Monika, Janine, Marion, Pascale and Pierre). Well done to Roger, whoever you are. See you next year !

In the midst of that mini-heatwave (oh, that was Summer) several heat-resistant souls managed to survive passing out in the tropical bunker sauna. We don’t know how many people went since the heat-haze was too thick. Those that went had a great time, especially those who were able to crawl inside the ice machine and refrigerators.

For the past few years, the pool trophy has been won by people who only come to the club once a year to play in the club competition. On the one hand this can be seen as good club relations, encouraging visitors to come to the club. On the other hand, however, it is seen as unfair by people who support the club on a regular basis.

What do you think about this ? Send your opinions to Mike via his E-mail address

(see bottom of this page).

Maybe we can have two competitions held over two days:-

1. Regular Members (ie those who come to the club at least 10 times a year)
2. Irregular Members & Visitors

Another possibility is a year long individual competition starting in Jan / Feb.

Mike would also like to set up some pool teams (7 people per team, no handicap) to play matches next year, possibly against other pubs / clubs / billiard halls and also on holiday abroad against local teams in his home town and surrounding area.

Gripes of the Month - Bar

You may have noticed in the past few months that the person on bar was not the person you expected and once the bar was closed without notice (23^rd Nov). SORRY (especially to Brian and some ladies from the American Embassy). SORRY

How to be ..............................

This is a new feature which is aimed at showing how people view foreigners and workers.

We all know how the Swiss criticise English food and the weather even though they’ve never been there (or have only been to London, which is not real England). Some people have got such a biased view of the Americans that they never ever want to visit America.

What is required for this section is a good sense of humour and the ability to take criticism without anger (and the usual reply "if you don’t like it then go back home"). If the above applies to you then don’t read any further. Well, I warned you.

I want members to write in with their observations of English, Americans, South Africans, Irish, Scottish, Swiss and any other nationalities. Also under the spotlight are salesmen, business men, teachers, computer people, street cleaners and any other profession.

Non-native speakers needn’t worry about their English (I can correct it if necessary). I’d prefer to get your views by E-Mail since that means I don’t have to completely re-type it.

a) Say hello to everyone you see even if you don’t know them. (If they ignore you, shout & scream at them until they say hello back). You aren’t being friendly, you are just trying to get other people to notice you.

b) Wait for trains all together at the top of staircases, blocking all entrances and exits. People see you if you get in their way.

c) On trains, shout at the person next to you – all people must be able to hear what you say even at the other end of the carriage.

d) In restaurants, on trains, on a mountain, in a park, etc, if someone is sitting alone, quietly reading, go and sit near them and shout loudly to your friends. Not only is it forbidden not to spend every moment shouting at someone but it is forbidden to be alone & to read.

e) On the street, walk into as many people as possible (your shoulders must touch). If you are with a group of friends, walk in a line across the pavement and never give way to anyone coming towards you (you must force them into the road). This way they see you.

More next time – no room left !