Back

Royal Milan & Bordighera H³ Newsletter


November 19, 1998		 Forward 
From:      Duff Robin < rmd@msoft.it >
Date:      Thu Nov 19 17:30:48 1998
Subject:   Finally Finale


Finale Ligure
23 - 25 October 1998

Scribe - Rough Knight


Friday Night - Torch Lit Run

Le Padre and I arrived back to the base, exhausted after setting the Friday
Night Torchlit  Run.  At Rosita's, it was like a scene from Fawlty Towers, with
Bwana doing his best Basil Fawlty impression and White Fang putting in a
marvelous performance as Sybil.  People were swapping rooms, partners were
swapping partners and dogs were swapping owners - and in the middle of it all
Rosita sat smiling - at peace with the world.  Everyone started to arrive from
Rome, Adriatic, Zürich, Geneva, Basel, Bern, Vienna, UK and a few from Milan.
Most looked ready for a Friday night run apart from Iron Bum, Laura, Shirley,
Chestnuts and Lorraine who were well settled into the cocktails and the white
wine - they told us they would save themselves for tomorrow.  Just about all
had arrived and were ready to drink alcohol continuously for two days.  Paint
Stripper was transporting beer all over the place, No Mercy Master was still
sober (and we had already been there for two hours) and Tonedeaf was still
Tonedeaf.

Le Padre and I got everyone off on the first run of the weekend - most people
had forgotten torches so it would be interesting.  Fabulous promised to join us
at the beer stop as he was nursing a war wound from KL.  We headed off down the
beach, up a few false trails and then headed for the town where Strawberry
Foreskin overheard some locals discussing us "Oh don't worry - its only that
lot from Rosita's again" - I think they like us.  We had a song stop and then
headed uphill to soon find the beer stop, ably manager by Paint Stripper (whose
dick we had not yet seen despite the fact we had been in Finale for four hours
already).  I was having a bit of a natter with Bumm-erang when I heard a
strange sound - at first I thought it was Mercy Master farting then realised it
was bagpipes.  Trying to detect where this sound came from I saw what appeared
to be a house on fire - then amazingly - GUS appeared - accompanied by
fireworks, lights, bagpipes.  It was a great sight - and finally GUS has learnt
to play the bagpipes.  Everyone was so amazed by GUS that we all had to stay
and drink another beer.

After the GUS visitation, the runners headed uphill and the walkers downhill -
Bwana claimed he got confused and ended up with the walkers.  We were all
reunited for a run through the town and headed back up to Rosita's for the
circle.  As Bwana's car was full or Riveria hashers (Sadist & Co.) I was kindly
offered a lift from Claudio - Chainsaw also wanted a lift and when we tried to
tell him the car was full - he climbed on the roof and spent the entire journey
sitting on the roof rack saying "cool" as we went very fast around each tight
corner.  We never did manage to lose him on the hill.

So, we all made it back to Rosita's, apart from Cunninglinguist who was spotted
running through Finale at 11.00 calling On-On (the run finished at 9.00).  The
circle was started, and our On-Sex was still performing as Sybil so we have no
record of the down-downs.  I am now writing this scribe three weeks after the
event (under duress) so I will try to remember or make them up.

Hares			Le Padre & Rough Knight
Feigning injury		Fabulous
Talking in circle	No Mercy
Private party		Wet & Slippery

There were probably lots more but my memory fails me.

After the circle we headed into the restaurant for some grub and a bit of a
sing song.  The party went on till late and my memory again is fuzzy at this
point…………………………


Saturday - Fun & Games and Hashing

Saturday morning - breakfast at Rosita's.  Everyone looking a bit green apart
from White Fang who was running around with her camera taking pictures and
generally being too happy.  Likk'mm, Lonley and Bwana had a heated discussion
about something to do with Africa.  Walkabout, Deepthroat and Wheelchair all
looked the worst for the wear and Iron Bum was sorting out the Beach Olympics
with me.  Hairy Mary (with assistant Scottish Sausage) was busy taking
everyone's dosh (as was Strawberry Foreskin at the other Hotel - the name of
which escapes me). T Shirts were distributed with what appeared to be a female
condom in hash shoes on the front. Paint Stripper was still carrying beer
around and still we had not seen his dick.

Soon we managed to get everyone onto the beach for the world famous "Finale
Beach Olympics".  There were three teams - Milan, France (largely composed of
Zürich Hashers) and Geneva.  The first game was the blind drunk race which saw
the French team run in first.  PaintStripper and Wet & Slippery got lost and
headed for the sea.  The we moved on to the water in the bin bag game - it was
an amazing sight to see Scottish Sausage, Chico and Deepthroat fly up the beach
with their shopping bags full of sea water (and holes).  I think everyone was
disqualified from this game (including the referees).  Then we had the infamous
toss the welly and only the throws of the ladies counted.  France bounded to
victory in this.  Then a new game - the Chariot race - two men had to carry a
lady on their back - Lorenzo and Scottish Sausage were close to victory,
carrying Shirley,  when the referees decided to move the winning line - France
again clutched victory.  The three legged race saw the Milan team storm home.
The pre-finale to the games was the beach collage - where teams had to make
something pretty (?) from things found on the beach.  Porny rather than pretty
seemed to be the result! Iron Bum deemed the man in the deckchair with the long
balloon the winner - but all ideas were great.

From the beach we moved onto the finale to the games - painting Paint Strippers
car.  One representative from each team was chosen for their artistic talent -
No Mercy, Chestnuts and Wendy.  Amazingly, No Mercy displayed some previously
hidden artistic talents and together  the three of them transformed a boring
old Fiat Panda into the RMBH3 Beer Wagon.    The end result of the Beach
Olympics was:

1st     France - with Bumm-erang collecting the prize 
2nd     Milan  - with Paint Stripper collecting the prize
3rd     Geneva - with the whole team collecting the prize

Lunch was organised at Rosita's by Iron Bum and we all had a quick kip before
the big event which Tonedeaf, Likk'mm and Wellington were planning.

At 3.00, the hashers assembled outside Rosita's then Bwana appeared on the
balcony to announce that a special visitor had come to send us on our way - the
Dali Lama appeared in full orange kit complete with his guards, SilvioLama and
ClaudioLama, and lots of burning inscence.  He started some chanting - then
mayhem broke out - GUS appeared in his day time clothes, then appeared again,
complete with bag pipes and smoke - amazing.  How does RMBH3 attract so many
important visitors - Rome can only manage the Pope.  The Dali was led off with
his guards and, after the statutory Likk'mm photo stop we were off to see what
the three hares had in store for us.

The trail started off along a fairly flat path and past a very weird house with
inscriptions about dead lambs.  Inevitably, the trail went uphill and Pop Up
seemed to be so overcome by this that he started making strange skipping and
jumping movements.  We stopped for a song stop near the top of the hill, where
Bwana lead us in something and then Deepthroat serenaded us with something
else.  We reached the top of the hill finally and then had to go all the way
down again.  Cookie Monster was sighted taking a leak for which he was suitably
punished later.  The trail continued through the paths and eventually
PaintStripper and I came to an arrow - which we obviously ignored and continued
to the left to find the real trail.  Behind us we saw Cunninglinguist, who
followed the arrow, crossed over a bar and got himself totally lost (and I'm
sure he developed some strange growths on his legs after disappearing down
there.).  Paintstripper took a false trail to the right, but by this stage I
could smell the beer and headed straight to find Chestnut and Laura manning the
stop.  Everyone was happily reunited at the beer stop and just as we were about
to leave, Cunninglinguist appeared with legs covered in blood (and some nasty
looking spots on his legs).

We headed off after filling our bellies with beer and most of the guys burped
and farted their way to the first check. This lead us through some paths and
then through a wood - but some of us Vertigo, Bumm-erang and myself opted for
the road which looked nicer.  Then we found an uphill trail - and eventually a
down trail that just went down and down and down.   Never mind I had a chance
to have a natter with Wet & Slippery and with someone else on the down part.
We finally came nearer to sea level to find our hare Wellington waiting for us
- but no beer.  Tonedeaf arrived to say that Hairy Mary and Iron Bum would
suffer for that later.

The trail continued fairly flat and we all nearly got wiped out by some
hunters.  Bwana avoided a long check back by pretending he had to fix his shoe
and sitting down on the trail.  We eventually found our way on to the main road
and to the On-In to Rosita's.  It was a great run.

The circle started about 30 minutes after the run because Bwana was faffing
around.  White Fang took a note of the down downs as follows:

Bwana			making us wait for the circle
Fabulous		making us wait for the circle
Cunninglinguist		old shoes
WalkAbout		new shoes
RoughKnight		new shoes
Pop Up			Jumping on the trail
Cunninglinguist		indulging in blood sports
Tonedeaf		wrong trail
No Mercy Master		because he is (?)  - ask White Fang
Wet & Slippery		latecomer
RougkKnight		milestone - 150 runs
Lorraine		milestone - 25 runs
Confusion		getting soaked by beer

The circle was then interrupted so Bwana could take a phone call

Bwana returned to explain the call was from two German hashers who wanted to
drive down to party with us tonight.  The circle continued:

Bwana			leaving the circle
Bwana			making excuses about receiving a phone call
Bwana			getting confused about milestones
Lubricator		lost bra
No Mercy Master		lost property - lost balls
Wet & Slippery		triping up the RA
Lorenzo			naming - Finger In
Wet & Slippery 		disrupting circle
No Mercy Master		disrupting circle
Tonedeaf		no second beer stop
IronBum			ditto
Hairy Mary		ditto
Cookie Monster		pissing on trail
Vertigo			ditto
Bwana			shoe adjusting on trail
Wet & Slippery		ditto
Deep Throat		no RA in circle
Bwana			ditto
Likk'mm			for being Likk'mm
Paint Stripper		for being beer master
Paint Stripper		for donating car to hash
No Mercy Master		interruptions
Laura			Virgin
Catherine		disgusting (?) - ask White Fang
Tonedeaf, Bwana)
Fabulous, Sparky,)
Paint s, Likk'mm)	acts in KL
Speed Hump)
Cunninglinguist)
Hollyfield		spewing chunks of second floor
No Mercy		ditto

At this point the Right Honorable Dali Lama was carried into the circle
sitting cross legged on an ironing board. He proceeded to award some down downs

Claudio			inscence abuse
Paint Stripper		ditto
No Mercy		interruptions
Wet & Slippery		ditto
Joey			trail blazing
Horizontal		ditto
Tonedeaf)		Hares
Likk'mm)
Wellington)
Likk'mm			exploding beer cup
No Mercy)		arseholes
Wet & Slippery)

At this point the excitement all got too much for Paint Stripper and he whipped
out his dick and started bowing before the RA.  A young lady, strained her neck
to see the "thing" and was immediately given a down-down with Paint Stripper
standing naked in front of her - she was then named "Oggle Toggle".
 So  Oggle Toggle		named

The circle was finally closed and we all went for a quick shower before dinner.

The theme of the dinner was Scottish/ghostly/formal - it was good to see that
everyone had made a really big effort to dress up.  The anti-pasta was a meal
in itself and spirits were high as the wine flowed.  Then the Tarts in Tartin
made a special guest appearance with a new song "RMBH" (tune of YMCA).  The
Tarts (Me, Iron Bum, Laura, Lorraine, Chestnut, White Fang & Shirley) left to
rapturous applause then the lights went out.  GUS then appeared on the balcony
outside and there were gasps of amazement inside.  The party continued with
more new Milan songs - "Hashers song" - composed by Lorraine and Finger In.
Then the "Ghost of Gus McKay" - composed by Sue "S&M" Boyle.  Geneva were
represented by Deep Throat and his gang and Ron Rose represented Rome.  Le
Padre gave a rendition of a great song about a priest and a choir boy and
Bumm-erang bravely represented Zürich on her own.  I think No Mercy Master was
unconscious by this time so we heard nothing from Vienna.  The Germans had by
now arrived (the ones who called Bwana during the circle) and performed
Alloette (with some probing(?) by Bwana).  The singing went on and on and later
and I spotted Fabulous wandering around with  a big one (camera).  He was
taking photos of unsuspecting hashers with a mega big zoom lens - the results
of which can now be seen on our Hash Page on Intranet.  Wheel Chair and Paint
Stripper were nominated live hares for the Sunday morning run and the party
went on.  A crowd of pissed hashers headed down to the beach - some swam and
some headed for the disco until 6.00 the next day..


Sunday - Hung over Hares

The Hare of the Dog run.  The nominated Hares, Paint Stripper and Wheel Chair
looked very relaxed over breakfast and everyone else still looked pissed from
the night before.  We headed down to the car park and gave the hares a ten
minute start.  Then we were off in hot pursuit - through the town - the locals
looked very disappointed - they thought we had left.  We were heading for the
song stop and amazingly bumped into the identical twin brothers of Wheel Chair
and Paint Stripper - what a coincidence.  After the song stop we all got lost
and eventually found the right trail up to the castle and then back down.  Over
the river and back to the car park.  Wheel Chair and Paint Stripper were very
happy to hear that their long lost identical twin brothers had finally been
found and were looking forward to the reunion.

We headed to the beach for the circle - this is what White Fang's records show:

Deep Throat                                                      Mistaking
Hares Brothers for hares 
Paint Stripper & Wheel Chair		Lost property (twin brothers)
Mercy Master & Tonedeaf			Not stopping at song stop
Paint Stripper & Toggle Oggle		Having an oggle at a toggle
Cunninglinguist				Getting lost again
Chico, Lars & Philip 			FRB's
Latecomers				Iron Bum, Finger'in
Lorraine				Red Cross Surgical Operating kit
No Mercy				Wanting to experiment with Red Cross kit
Naming					Lorraine "Naughty Nurse" Wood
Naming					Rita "Strawberry Shortcake) Bailey
RoughKnight				Cow Personality (T-Shirt)
Mad Max & Turdish Del			Missed opportunities
Finger'in				Pith Helmet - for being Music Master
Phillipo 				Frogs Legs (?) - Ask White Fang
Wheel Chair & Paint Stripper		Hares
Chainsaw 				Re yoghurt in the breakfast bowl
Ducks Arse				Got lost
Dario					Hash Sex
Fabulous, Bwana, Tonedeaf,		)
Paint Stripper, Iron Bun,		)
RoughKnight, Hairy Mary, Strawberry 	)Organisers
Foreskin, White Fang 			)	
No Mercy Master 			Lost Property
Zürich HHH				Hokey Cokey Song
White Fang				Digging in the circle

The circle was closed and the Ghost on the Coast Hash had ended for another
year.  We headed up to Rosita's for lunch of pasta and seafood  - all
accompanied by huge lashings of Parmesan cheese - Fabulous was horrified.  We
left Fabulous, Hairy Mary and Strawberry Foreskin to sort out the Hash Cash
with Rosita and all went our separate ways.  Over the lunch I handed out a wee
book for some comments on the weekend.  Some extracts follow:

No Mercy Master			"F***ing Brilliant"

Likk'mm	"I was there and that made it - singing, dancing, front running,
down-downing, eating and ****ing - glad to be of assistance till next time"

Wheel Chair(live hare Sunday)	"Wasn't it amazing?  I was split at birth from
my twin brother and after all these years discovered him in Liguria.  Thank
you for helping me find him"

Wellington	A lyric I cannot print as it is really not nice

Wet & Slippery	"Could have done with a few more tits out for the lads"

So that was it - another brilliantly organised weekend.  There are a few
footnotes to the weekend:

1. RoughKnight missed her Sunday night train to Lausanne again

2. No Mercy Master had a nightmare trip back to Vienna.  Told the Car Hire
   official at the airport that his mother *****  and knocked down all the
   bollards in the car park.

3. Likk'mm and Tonedeaf developed yucky boils all over their legs from a false
   trail they checked out on their own.  White Fang also claims to have had
   similar symptoms - how did she end up there??

 

RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3

Special thanks to our Sponsors for Down-Down beer, Advertising space and T-shirts :-)
RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3#RMBH3
The Royal Milan & Bordighera Hash House Harriers

Where'd this all start?